


Most Importantly, To Protect

by fluffybun



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-05 20:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4193337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fluffybun/pseuds/fluffybun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalie Prior's thoughts during the first book as someone who watches her little girl and boy grow up too fast, too well, in this constructed world they were born into, both before and when they were apart, until her death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflop_diva](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/gifts).



> Spoilers for the entire series.

It is painful to know that you will lose your children when they grow up, Natalie Prior thinks as she takes the scissors in one hand and strands of her daughter's hair in another.

Oh, Andrew doesn't know that yet, she thinks, but it is true that they will come home to an empty house after the Choosing Ceremony. Tomorrow, that will come, but today, there is the test. Beatrice and Caleb will take the test today. She remembers that test well, for all that her results weren't real. 

Briskly Natalie trims Beatrice's hair, as efficient as she always has been, banishing any thoughts of sadness from her mind. There is faint surprise on Beatrice's face as Natalie smiles at her quickly in the mirror reflecting their faces. Andrew isn't here at the moment, she thinks, and there is nothing wrong with a girl taking a few more minutes to look at herself in the mirror for all that she is Abnegation.

Today is an important day for her children, Natalie knows, but she wants to keep Beatrice here with her a little longer, to not let her continue to entangle herself in the culture of this experiment. But of course she cannot do that.

"Let's get breakfast," she says, and when Beatrice smiles at her Natalie feels a little better.

***

"There was a problem with one of the tests," her friend Erin asks as they finish cleaning up after a hard day's work.

Natalie waits for her to continue, because it is not an Abnegation trait to be curious about things.

Erin doesn't need prompting. "One of the students got sick and had to go home early," she said in a whisper. "Something went wrong with one of the tests, so the results had to be reported verbally."

Natalie kept her face impassive, though her heart skipped a beat. "Oh, I hope the student is fine."

Erin nodded. "I'm sure whoever it is will be fine. It's the first time I've heard of this, someone having a problem with the tests" she admitted. "Have you, Natalie? You've helped with the tests before, haven't you?"

Natalie shook her head noncommittally. It would not be good if Jeanine Matthews heard about this, she thought. She wondered who the examiner involved was. 

"I'm sure they're fine," Erin said reassuringly. "We would have heard if it was really bad."

"Yes," Natalie says, though her thoughts are awhirl as she prepares to go home. She knows well what having to report results of that test means - someone was found to be Divergent. She knew well enough how the test went.

The question was, could it have been Beatrice? There were many children who took the test that day, she thought to herself. It could have been a different child.

But she knows the feeling in her gut. It's what helped her survive the years on the fringe, that year in Dauntless, the years in Abnegation attempting to undermine the plans of Erudite to eradicate the Divergent.

She silently thanked whoever it was that had been discreet about reporting the results. It could have gone much worse, especially with Erudite watching everything, especially Abnegation.

Things would be clearer once she got home and talked to her children and Andrew.

***

Later that night, when both Beatrice and Caleb are in their rooms and Andrew is reading the newspaper, Natalie spares some time to think while she folds clothes.

Andrew wouldn't suspect it after both Caleb and Beatrice denied knowing anything, but Natalie knows better. Beatrice was the one who was sent home, there was no doubt about it. For all that both her children are able to lie well, a mother always knows. Particularly a mother who knows more about the factions than she could ever tell most people, including her family.

Beatrice tries so hard to fit in the mold Abnegation fits around her, but there are times that Natalie sees what she could be, if she were born in a different faction, to a different family. But no, Beatrice wouldn't be Beatrice if she weren't hers and Andrew's. Caleb is the same, for all that he fits in better than Beatrice does in Abnegation. Andrew doesn't know, but she knows about the books hidden in Caleb's room. She knows that Caleb's reassuring words about hairline fractures were more than just the Abnegation way of wanting to soothe someone. 

Andrew doesn't know, but she already knows that both her children will leave them tomorrow. Beatrice especially will have to be careful to hide her Divergence lest she fall into the hands of Erudite. For all that she could try to shield her here, she knows that Beatrice's faction will have to be Beatrice's choice. And Caleb... well, she hopes that Jeanine will not succeed in completely winning him over to her side. She has to trust that she has raised her children well enough to be suspicious of things that feel too right.

For all the grand goals this experiment, the Chicago Experiment, was and how she had gone in with certain plans which had been discarded for a different cause and for years of carefully waiting for her chance to temper the Erudite hatred Abnegation received, what she hopes most of is for her two children to find the right place for them, even if not at their side.

Her face darkens as she reads the latest propaganda the Erudite have released denouncing Abnegation. No, it will be better that Beatrice and Caleb will not be in Abnegation especially in the coming days. She just hopes that Andrew will understand that eventually.

***

The next day, it is the Choosing Ceremony. She keeps her sorrow hidden carefully behind her calm smile as she accompanies Andrew and her two children, avoiding the whispers discussing Erudite propaganda. If only you knew the truth, she thought, though perhaps that might be too much for even Erudite to handle. It was not her place to reveal that, though, only to continue to manage this uneasy peace between the factions and keep it from toppling into outright war. But it is coming, she knows, and she wonders what the people looking on from beyond think of it. Would they attempt to stop it, if it comes to that? 

She cast away these thoughts. There will be enough time to think of that later, when Andrew will be appropriately angry for both of them and Erudite will have more ammunition for their propaganda.

But first, there would be goodbyes that may not be said.

It was easy for her, Natalie thought, looking at the five metal bowls on the platform. She had no choice to make, for she already knew where she was going to go. With Andrew, she thought, and not Erudite. But looking at her daughter, trying desperately to hide the indecision in her eyes from her father and brother, she knows what she wants to do now.

It might be the last time she might hug her daughter again, she thinks, and she reaches to take Beatrice in her arms.

"I love you. No matter what," she says to Beatrice, all that she can hope to say in this last private moment. She hoped Beatrice would gain comfort from those words and courage to do what she thought she must, even if it would hurt her father. For herself, because all Natalie wanted was for Beatrice to find the place best for her. Caleb, for all that it seemed natural for him to do the good works Abnegation does, was more self-assured. Beatrice needed a little push.

Beatrice looks back at her, and Natalie thinks she understands.

Later, when Andrew is glaring at Beatrice after her choice, after both her and Caleb's choice to leave Abnegation, Natalie smiles at her. 

 _Be free, my love, where you now can. And eat the cake, it's good,_ she thought before Beatrice is swept up in the crowd.


	2. Chapter 2

This was the first time she had been in Dauntless lands since before her own Choosing Ceremony, Natalie thinks as she waits for her Beatrice to appear from the crowd of initiates and their parents in the Pit. Nothing much has changed in Dauntless, though of course the people in power were different as Dauntless laws required. The people she knew then would now be part of the Factionless, if they still lived. 

When she finally sees Beatrice again, she can hardly recognize her at first. Healthier, happier, for all that she is bruised, and still her little girl. She could not go to Caleb, but she could at least see Beatrice, her daughter. So much must have happened these two weeks, her poor child, to have had to grow up so fast. So much she wished to tell her, but she couldn't, not now, not ever.

When Beatrice tells her that she can tell her if Andrew didn't want to come, her heart breaks for her daughter. All she can do is reassure her, even though the look on her daughter's face tells her that she hasn't succeeded.

She hides her surprise when she sees Tobias Eaton nearby. Of course, she thinks, Marcus' son who went to Dauntless. She tells her Beatrice that he is handsome instead and is amused enough to laugh when she nods. Perhaps her daughter has finally found an interest in a boy? It is clear that the boy doesn't recognize her, or is doing a good job pretending not to, she thinks. Even Beatrice wouldn't know that this is Marcus Eaton's boy, for Marcus never brought him to dinners with the Priors and she herself hardly saw him. While gossip was not an Abnegation trait, this boy's choosing to leave Abnegation and for Dauntless, of all places, was on every Abnegation parent's mind especially during the Choosing Ceremony.

When Four, as he's introduced himself to her, tells her firmly that he's been overseeing Beatrice's training and not to worry about her, she smiles. Perhaps there can be something there, my Beatrice, although it seems both of you are too Abnegation in this matter still. It is easy to trust this earnest boy, only two years older than her daughter, when he clearly gazes at her like that. Perhaps he already knows, she thinks, or... perhaps there is something more to why Marcus' son left Abnegation.

Later, it is painful when she sees Beatrice ready to fight for her honor. Yet even as she shows her overt disapproval for it, she is proud inside.  

Even later, when she grills Beatrice on her initiation, she knows that Beatrice has numerous questions. And when Beatrice tells her the truth, that her test results were inconclusive, she inwardly sighs. It was Beatrice, then. She sent a silent prayer of thanks to the examiner who had kept her daughter safe that day. This might be the last time she would see her daughter, so she says all the words she wants to say, of love and of being careful not to say the forbidden word -divergence-, and of course, about the cake.

And then, there is Caleb, whom she knows Beatrice might be able to see when she cannot. She can only hint at what she wants, perhaps also give Beatrice what to look out for just in case Jeanine's evil plans come to fruition, but she has to play her part until the end.

So many roles she had to play in this Chicago Experiment, but the most important role would always be Mother.


	3. Chapter 3

She had known what was coming because of David. This attack by Erudite using Dauntless - there was no question that he had some hand in it. All she could do was get the people she loved out of there, bring them to the safe house he had given her the location of. Caleb, Andrew, her friends... But then, there was someone still missing that she needed to protect.

"I am going out there to find Beatrice," Natalie said to Andrew and Caleb, making sure that she had a gun in her hand. Caleb, Andrew, and the rest of the Abnegation would be safe here for now, in this basement, but her Beatrice - she knew that Jeanine would want her. Her for her Divergence. No, she would kill Jeanine first before letting her use Beatrice for her own personal desires.

"Mother, you can't! It's dangerous out there!" Caleb looked imploringly at Andrew, whose gaze was steady as he looked at her.

"Natalie," Andrew said, and his voice was quiet. "You know what might happen out there."

"It doesn't matter - I have to find Beatrice," Natalie said firmly, making sure that she had an extra gun in her waistband for Beatrice, when she found her. She could not explain to Andrew, who still was conflicted about both their children, but she would do this even if he disapproved. Maybe, when we are in a safer place, she thinks, she will explain everything to him. The Chicago experiment, her faked history here, divergence and what it really meant. She owed him this, after he had loved her even when he was an Erudite and she a Dauntless trying to find the right place to be for the rest of their lives. Even with all the lies she had told him, he had loved her.

Andrew nods without hesitation, and Natalie thinks that maybe she wasn't such a good actress after all after seeing the understanding in his eyes. Perhaps he had suspected, over the years. There was truth behind those lies, after all, the truth that she loved their family more than anything.

"Then go find her, Natalie" he says. "We'll stay here." 

"Thank you," she said as she committed how Caleb and Andrew looked at that moment into her mind. She might never see them again, she knew. But if Beatrice could escape with them, then it would be worth it.

***

_The most important duty a mother can be proud of is to protect one's child, even at the cost of one's life._

_I am not stupid, David, and I have no regrets,_ she thought as she lay dying. _Beatrice,_ she thought, _my only regret is that I was not able to tell you and Andrew the truth about me. Perhaps other people will, someday. Someday, when the factions come to an end, as it should soon..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natalie is one of the most compelling characters in the books for me, and I'm glad that your request helped me to revisit her. :) Her initial purpose, how she is able to act so well, how she does her job even after deviating from the initial plan (and raising a family along the way). For all the lies that she has had to tell, there is no mistaking her love for her family and especially Tris. <3


End file.
